Monday, June 6, 2011

Words_June Bride Musings

June. June. June. Well, it's officially less than one year until I walk down a graveyard aisle to marry the man of my future half-Korean children (if they come out looking predominantly white, I'm gonna die). For some reason the year mark was like a siren going off in my head where I immediately felt panicked about everything that needs to be done. Basically, I felt exactly like this. In all honesty, there are quite a few decisions-in-waiting and I wish I could place a leave order for a two-week-wedding-planning-session to fully immerse myself in finalizing the bigger priority items, but I don't think that's covered in my work's leave policy.

A theme I've been experiencing as of late, which I feel I've always known in theory, is friends telling me what to expect as a married lady. And the theme has consistently been: it's incredibly difficult; it's a lot of work; with kids, it's added stress, tension, and sacrifices. Again, I have always known this in theory as I've been witness to many marriages/relationships that have faced the best and worst of times, but I think as I'm approaching this reality, its weight as applicable truth is sinking in fast. I worry about us driving each other absolutely crazy (we already do sometimes), I worry about us becoming disenchanted with the other, I worry about us being 30+ and living in my parent's basement, I worry that my "charming" antics will become stale and predictable, I worry that my parents won't ever be able to pronounce his last name right.

I guess there is only so much worrying I can do. When I look out into the landscape that is "Robbey and Kimi" I honestly have no idea what to expect. What's visible is what's right in front of me (which is a super size margarita); everything beyond that is a blank canvas. I wish I could say I was prepared but I'm not, and I think that's okay. Not because I have a more than fair amount of time to plan but because I don't think we're supposed to have these things figured out, boxed into a predictable package. The unexpected is a necessary thing to illuminate the joys and pains of such an amazing and wonderful covenant, a promise between two people to be selfless and loyal, champions of the other and for love, exchanging and fusing each one's gifts to serve God and those around them. I'm excited about exploring what this means for me and Robbey. I'm excited for the people we'll become together. I'm excited to understand love more deeply everyday and discover the here-and-there-places God will take us in our short time here on earth.

The moral of this story is that for the next year (and beyond), I'd like you to share your marriage wisdom with me whether from personal or second-hand experience. Also, don't be surprised at my continuous wedding posts or if there is a Jessie Spano-reincarnation freak out by yours truly. Because the truth is, Jessie was right. I am so excited, but I'm also equally scared. No truer words were ever spoken.

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