Monday, January 14, 2013

Words & Video_Golden Globin'

Over fried chicken, moscow mules, baked mac & cheese, and spinach salad, me, Robbe, and our friends Rachel and Asher came together for a lively, thought-provoking debate over--no, not the fiscal cliff, not gun control--but yes, something exponentially more important. Of those nominated for the prestigious Golden Globe awards, who would be generously recognized for their directorial/actorial (yes I just made up a word)/scripting prowess?

The 25 Golden Globe nominations meant 25 predictions which meant 4 people plus 25 predictions equals 100 different predictions. We decided whoever collected the most correct predictions would be able to deliver a 1 minute thank you speech. The. Heat. Was. On.

Before I get into the ugliness, the cat-clawing, the heckling, the teeth-gnashing, foaming of the mouth fierce competition, here is my thoughtfully profound detailed list of Golden Globe superlatives...

Most Adorable Counterpart 
Don Cheadle's wife

Most Tender Winning Reaction 
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner

Weirdest Exchange
Jodie Foster and Robert Downey, Jr. (Keyword: Hamsters)

"Me Likey" Dresses 
Amanda Seyfried; Kerry Washington (too skinny); Amy Adams (Marchesa); Jennifer Lopez (goddess); Kate Hudson, Eva Longoria, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba

"Most Likey" Dress
Kate Hudson

"Whad Up Wit Dat?" Dresses 
Lucy Liu, Jessica Chastain, Halle Berry

"Seriously, What Up Wit Dat?" Dress
Lucy Liu

The Most Beautiful Woman in the World Who Consistently Dresses From Another Time/Planet
Halle Berry (Oh, for shame! What a waste of beauty and the most amazing figure. Sigh...)

"I'm In Love, I'm In Love, I'm In Love and I Don't Care Who Knows It!" Overall Look
Jennifer Lopez (flawless goddess)

You Finally Wore a Dress That Suits Your Long Torso Figure, Bravo!
Claire Danes (you'll always be Angela to me)

Just...Stop, Please
Anne Hathaway

I Like How You Talk In Real Life Better
Damien Lewis (Homeland)

Thanks For Making Me Feel Like I Haven't Done Anything With My Life Compared to You
Lena Dunham (25 years old, writer, creator, actor of Girls)

I'm Over You But I Technically Still Like You Because You're Not a Bad Person Plus You're Still Young 
Taylor Swift

Thank God You Won (Especially Over T. Swift) and For Your Speech

I Love You, When Are You Ever Going to Win???
Leonardo DiCaprio

...And Why Are You Here...?
P. Diddy

Best Jokes From the Best Golden Globe Hosts Ever
  • "Taylor Swift, you stay away from Michael J. Fox's son. She needs some me time to learn about herself." (Tina)
  • "Our next presenter is an actor so versatile, he played Iron Man in 3 different movies." (Tina)
  • "Meryl Streep is not here tonight, she has the flu. And I hear she is amazing in it." (Amy)
  • "You gave a stunning performance in Les Miserables. I've not seen someone so totally alone and abandoned like that until I saw you and James Franco at the Oscars." (Tina)
  • "When left untreated, HFPA can lead to cervical cancer." (Amy)
  • Amy addressing Ben Affleck and acknowledging their shared Boston roots by saying: "You're not better than me." 
If You Didn't Laugh, You're Obviously Not Human
Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell presenting best actress in a comedy/musical

So back to what this post is really about. Who won the Golden Globe predictions of 2013, you ask?

Well, we all did. We tied. (Seriously, there needs to be some kind of tie breaker in the future.) We all predicted 12 correct winners. And just as promised, we all went around and made 1 minute acceptance speeches.

Robbe's speech unfortunately was a rough 20 seconds as Asher didn't realize he was making a speech and talked over him about what was recorded on DVR.

Rachel's speech was heartfelt and thoughtful and--I actually can't remember anything she said, I'm sorry.

In Asher's speech, he thanked a lot of people. Just kept thanking person after person. To be honest, I don't remember his speech either.

My speech? A little of this and that. But ultimately I announced that Rachel and Mazel (Rachel's dog) and I were all running away together, with 5 seconds to spare.

And that, my friends... is how you Golden Globin'. 

No comments: