A thousand times
The same words, the same cry
The same chair that understands
Every curve in my spine
Every day the scale shifts
Deeper into my own hands
Relieving nothing and forgetting everything
That weighs immeasurably more
Than the hope that my stepping left or stepping right
Changes anything at all
A hundred times I thought of you
Alone and heavy yet weightless and floating
In my dreams we were free
Unfolding like the heavens and the earth
And the endlessness of stars
Yet here in this room
In the strongest of silence
Where hope beats against the heart
And loss is shouldered in surrender
Broken words are made new
Light is traded for darkness
The voices I yearn for
To lead and to save
Drown out my cry
In a wild harmony
That rewrites my words
That rescues my fall
As the room becomes smaller
And their song beckons me to come in.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Photos_Farm Show 2010
On January 16 Robbe and I took on PA's annual farm show where we befriended a colorful cast of sheep, chicken, bunnies, and ducks. We made a generous stop at the wine sampling table, saw some sheep get molested and paraded around a dirt floor poop mine, and watched baby ducks walk an elevated plank thinking they were getting a quick bite to eat but instead took an ill-fated plunge into the water below. Here is our great adventure (cue Steven Curtis Chapman)...
"The Towering Cow"
If I would have seen someone start to bow down and worship it, I was so outta there!
If I would have seen someone start to bow down and worship it, I was so outta there!
Robbey and the most photogenic lamb ever
"Afro Sheep"
I thought he was rocking "the Daryl" from The Office
I thought he was rocking "the Daryl" from The Office
"The Runners"
Warming up before the marathon
Warming up before the marathon
"KKK"
I was appalled he even decided to show up
I was appalled he even decided to show up
"The Slackers"
I think they lit up one too many today
"Romeo and Juliet"
Forbidden lovers
Forbidden lovers
"Lady Gaga"
"Walking the plank"
...and then plunging into the water! So sad!
"Quick nap"
"1st Korean Winner in Hay-Bailing Contest"
"Hanging Tough"
We actually photoshopped the tractor in; the original photo shows Robbe holding onto a cabinet door handle
"Swine Who?"
An odd poster in a farm display
"Tires and tires and tires, oh my!"
Big tires, no big deal
"Going Home"
We've been officially farm showed and it feels good.
And smelly.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Words_Baby Got Gas
After a slew of generous backrubs, a continous stand-in-place jostle, a squeaky and shadow-mesmerizing ride in the rocking chair, a detour to the bathroom to remove residual snot from under the nose, another detour downstairs to watch some DVRed American Idol, a very brief and awkward ride in a broken swing (I thought it looked funny), more jostling (but this time sitting down), freestyle floortime (aka, maybe he'll think the floor is like his bed and will just close his eyes and go to sleep), and some toy distractions in the crib, Gabe has finally gone to--
Wait, he just coughed.
Holding my breath...
Still holding...
--sleep.
Ah...
Wait, he just coughed.
Holding my breath...
Still holding...
--sleep.
Ah...
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Words_for January 2010
TO DOS:
Pick up my Harry Potter book
(C'mon Kimi, you're so close to the end of the series!) I just need to read the darn thing. Believe me, it's incredibly good and I eat it up (it's like buttah); it's just actually finding the time to sit down and enter my literary bubble of magic and wizards and brooms and spells is the problem. I'm attempting to solve this problem by putting "READ" on my daily agenda. I'll let you know how it goes.
Be more assertive
I took my dry cleaning to a new business across the street; mostly for the convenience. I usually frequent The Dry Clean Depot ($1.75, are you singing the song?) but thought I'd give this one a whirl since it's only a 2 minute drive (if that). An added bonus is that the owners are really adorable Korean people who probably talked about me after I told them to key in "Raspa" on the ticket. ("Raspa", what is that; she's probably married to some white guy with severe yellow fever; they're taking all of our women; let's charge her more, that'll teach her a lesson.) Or they might have just noted how I looked as if I had gone to the gym when in fact, I hadn't, I just didn't get a chance to take a shower for a day...or two. Anyway, I had two items to dry clean: a dress and dress pants. My receipt said $13.90. For someone who usually pays $1.75 per item, you might as well have punched me in the crotch. But I smiled and promised to return within a few days to pick up my items and kept thinking about how cute the little Asian lady was and how she giggled after every number I gave her when she asked for my phone number. (Oh, Asians...)
I return to pick up my items. It's a man this time. He has the same giggly, googly presence. He at first brings me the wrong order. "$20.30" he says. I tell him that's not my order. More giggles. He then retrieves the correct order. "$20.30" he says again. I point to the receipt attached to my clothes and say, "Do you mean $13.90?" He shakes his head but then does a double take. "Oh!" He exclaims and looks at his computer. He then explains that the hem of my dress came out during cleaning and they had to hem it back into place, thus charging me $7.50.
The assertive person in me (who was apparently buried or unavailable or unconscious) was dying to say: "You should have called me when this happened and shouldn't have assumed that I would have wanted it hemmed here when I could have done it myself or had another capable person do it for significantly cheaper, if not for free. I'm a brand spanking new customer as of three days ago and I don't think it's right that you tacked this on to my bill; I'm not paying for the hem, although I appreciate the gesture, you should have called me first, and if you want to keep a customer, you'll take the $7.50 off pronto."
But the realistic, people-pleasing, whatever-it's-just-$20 person in me said:
"Oh.... okay. Um... fine." And I reluctantly handed over the $20.
So what could have been a $4 total errand turned into a $20 Korean money-grubbing miscommunicado jokes on me scenario. Boo.
Do the Hard Thing
That's what she said? Too often I shy away from difficult scenarios whether it's work, relationships, hobbies, whatever. This past year I saw a lot of my relationships toughen in good ways and bad. Sometimes the test of a friendship is how you stand by that person when unfortunate things happens. I'm not sure I've been a very good friend historically. But I think this past year made me see the necessity to brave it out even when you're wrong or hurt or confused or maybe you don't see eye to eye. But you need to brave the bull to test the strength of what's really important. Avoiding hurt or communication is retreating from where God wants us to be which is in community and love with one another. I'm not good at this but I want to try. It's not even up to me whether I should or shouldn't power through a relationship; it's God who pushes me and gives me the strength to do what I know I can't, especially when I have no desire to. It's a tough lesson to learn because you have to really put others first, which is the last thing I want to do.
Pick up my Harry Potter book
(C'mon Kimi, you're so close to the end of the series!) I just need to read the darn thing. Believe me, it's incredibly good and I eat it up (it's like buttah); it's just actually finding the time to sit down and enter my literary bubble of magic and wizards and brooms and spells is the problem. I'm attempting to solve this problem by putting "READ" on my daily agenda. I'll let you know how it goes.
Be more assertive
I took my dry cleaning to a new business across the street; mostly for the convenience. I usually frequent The Dry Clean Depot ($1.75, are you singing the song?) but thought I'd give this one a whirl since it's only a 2 minute drive (if that). An added bonus is that the owners are really adorable Korean people who probably talked about me after I told them to key in "Raspa" on the ticket. ("Raspa", what is that; she's probably married to some white guy with severe yellow fever; they're taking all of our women; let's charge her more, that'll teach her a lesson.) Or they might have just noted how I looked as if I had gone to the gym when in fact, I hadn't, I just didn't get a chance to take a shower for a day...or two. Anyway, I had two items to dry clean: a dress and dress pants. My receipt said $13.90. For someone who usually pays $1.75 per item, you might as well have punched me in the crotch. But I smiled and promised to return within a few days to pick up my items and kept thinking about how cute the little Asian lady was and how she giggled after every number I gave her when she asked for my phone number. (Oh, Asians...)
I return to pick up my items. It's a man this time. He has the same giggly, googly presence. He at first brings me the wrong order. "$20.30" he says. I tell him that's not my order. More giggles. He then retrieves the correct order. "$20.30" he says again. I point to the receipt attached to my clothes and say, "Do you mean $13.90?" He shakes his head but then does a double take. "Oh!" He exclaims and looks at his computer. He then explains that the hem of my dress came out during cleaning and they had to hem it back into place, thus charging me $7.50.
The assertive person in me (who was apparently buried or unavailable or unconscious) was dying to say: "You should have called me when this happened and shouldn't have assumed that I would have wanted it hemmed here when I could have done it myself or had another capable person do it for significantly cheaper, if not for free. I'm a brand spanking new customer as of three days ago and I don't think it's right that you tacked this on to my bill; I'm not paying for the hem, although I appreciate the gesture, you should have called me first, and if you want to keep a customer, you'll take the $7.50 off pronto."
But the realistic, people-pleasing, whatever-it's-just-$20 person in me said:
"Oh.... okay. Um... fine." And I reluctantly handed over the $20.
So what could have been a $4 total errand turned into a $20 Korean money-grubbing miscommunicado jokes on me scenario. Boo.
Do the Hard Thing
That's what she said? Too often I shy away from difficult scenarios whether it's work, relationships, hobbies, whatever. This past year I saw a lot of my relationships toughen in good ways and bad. Sometimes the test of a friendship is how you stand by that person when unfortunate things happens. I'm not sure I've been a very good friend historically. But I think this past year made me see the necessity to brave it out even when you're wrong or hurt or confused or maybe you don't see eye to eye. But you need to brave the bull to test the strength of what's really important. Avoiding hurt or communication is retreating from where God wants us to be which is in community and love with one another. I'm not good at this but I want to try. It's not even up to me whether I should or shouldn't power through a relationship; it's God who pushes me and gives me the strength to do what I know I can't, especially when I have no desire to. It's a tough lesson to learn because you have to really put others first, which is the last thing I want to do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)